Friends

I'm going through a big life event soon, and due to various circumstances, I'm only inviting blood relatives. A friend of mine for the past seven years had always assumed she would be involved with the event. Now, she's mad at me. It's my fault, I'm too happy, too excited. I want to tell people all about it. I guess saying "guess what, that awesome thing is happening, but you can't come" is bitchy. I have to stop telling people. I have to stop talking about it to people who are close to me but I'm excluding. That's what I'm doing, I'm excluding people who I have confided in for years. I guess this habit of telling myself that I have no friends is really just me pushing my friends away, and an old habit from back in the day when I really did have no friends.

Convincing

I hear this all the time, people wanting to suppress ideas because the are 'dangerous'. I do not get it. Do they think that people buy into every new idea that crosses their path? Because if that were true, I would be in so much debt. I could not do anything without having to buy a new car, or drink beer, and I certainly could not work because I would have to go to Mexico and the Bahama's. Don't people realize that trying to suppress an idea can make it more dangerous? In that, young people will want to find out about it, and will think that it is an important idea because it is being suppressed?

Teenagers drink and smoke because they are not allowed to, because it is an 'adult' thing to do. (I am not suggesting to make it easier for teens to do those things, it is merely the easiest example.)

So, why ban books that are clearly fantasy because they promote witchcraft? People are smarter than that, kids are smarter than that. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Tired, all the time

There was a time when I took some sort of sleeping pill almost every night. This was melatonin, anti-histamines or alcohol. At the same time, without realizing the irony of it all, I was tired all. the. time. Like, yawning all day, could not do anything I wanted to do. Always tired. I went to the doctor, he ordered tests, they were all normal. How could this be? I'm always tired, this is not normal. A friend told me that she got her antibodies tested and she has some auto immune disorder that sounded a lot like what I had, mostly irritable and tired all the time. I thought about going to get tested for that. I didn't, mostly because I was so tired all the time, I didn't want to deal with going to the doctor again.

For some reason, I'm not sure why, I stopped with the sleep aides. I went to sleep better. I slept better. I had energy. Of course, about that same time I also started taking Korean Red Ginseng, which is advertised to give you energy, keep you awake. It worked, magically. But, thinking back, it could have been that I stopped with the sleep aides once I found a way to stay awake. At about the same time I also started taking a multivitamin. This probably didn't hurt either. Last night, I did take a melatonin, I knew hubby would be coming home from work late, and I wanted to sleep through it. It worked, except all day, I was soo tired. I can't believe that it took this long to figure out that my being tired was only because I always had, what I call, a drug hangover. I knew that it was the drugs enough to give it a name, but not to make the connection that it lasted all day, or for days, or that the alcohol had more of an effect than I had though.

Of course, now I just started having a cup of coffee first thing in the morning while I check email. I'm not sure if this is any better, but at least I'm having my multivitamin and not my malatonin.

Why Apples Sell

I'm in the market for a new laptop. A small, cheap, powerful one. I've enlisted the help of my computer expert brother, and we've spent the last hour sifting through the various websites looking for the best deal. Prices vary widely and seemingly randomly, and the important details are hard to figure out. Things like battery life, screen resolution and weight matter when I'll be stuck at school for 8 hours on Saturday afternoon this fall, but you can't sort by that.

This is why Apples sell so well. They have (I think) three options, all logically priced based on obvious differences to the consumer. If I were a less patient and stubborn person, I probably would have bought one by now. Instead, I'll head over to asus.com and see what I can find.

Cancer Update

Back in October 2008 I posted about a friend who had recently found out he had brain cancer, at 24. I talked with him a bit then, we talked about getting together in Edmonton over Christmas because he would have been there for treatment and I was there to visit family. That never happened, I don't think we even talked again after that. So, today I was going through my friends list on Facebook, deleting the people I don't talk to anymore, and I decided to check up on him. It turns out that he passed away on March 7, 2010. He was supposed to have five years, he only got one and a half.

I'm so sorry that I never got the chance to see him again, to say goodbye.

Why the Justice system doesn't work (a thought)

When disciplining children and pets, it's well known that you have to catch them in the act and discipline right away, so they know exactly what they are being punished for. Why don't we do this for criminals? Maybe the system doesn't work because you speed, you get a letter in the mail two weeks later.

You rob a bank, you're put in holding for up to three years while you wait for trial.

If you get bail for your crime, you go on with life. For a few years anyway, until the trial.

Depending on your crime, you've either moved past that phase of your life so punishment is irrelevant, or you've kept going in your life of crime while waiting for your first punishment. This doesn't teach the criminal, or the kids. Justice should be swift, then maybe you'll learn why you are being punished. I realize that there needs to be time for an investigation, but due process is what makes the justice system fail to work.

What to do

What do you do when you have responsibility for a project that you have little control over, little direction for, and are completely unqualified for? How are you supposed to pull it off when ideas are shot down, and your systems are destroyed without a second thought? You have a budget, but horrific resources. Everyone else knows better, and yet it's up to you to solve the problems.  Any decisions made are criticized all around, but no viable suggestions are offered.

What if you have voiced your objections about the project, your concerns, your reasons for feeling completely unqualified, your explanations for your actions? And all you get is to keep working at it. How are you supposed to continue when you'd really really rather turn around and walk away from it all.