When I'm walking the dog, and she squats to do her business, I reach into my pocket like a good citizen and take out a plastic poop bag. The bags are slippery and hard to open. The only solution is to lick a finger and give myself enough temporary gripping power to pry it open. The problem with this solution is that I'm licking my finger while thinking of dog crap. This never fails to creep me out.
But I topped it yesterday. I was working out at the gym and felt a powerful thirst. The gym provides large paper cups near an ice and water dispenser. I filled my cup, slapped on a plastic lid, and inserted the straw. So far, so good.
As I was happily slurping away, I entered the locker room and the first person I saw was a man in his mid sixties with a towel around his waist, blow drying his hair. Suddenly, to my horror, he put the blow dryer under the towel and started drying his junk. . . while I was sucking on a straw. I was temporarily blinded and I forgot most of my childhood.
- Scott Adams
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
What's Cheating?
So, what is it?
Cheating is engaging in physical or emotional relations with someone other than the person you claim to have a monogamous relationship with.
Recently, I have met some guys who think that kissing someone, who you may or may not have feelings for, is not cheating. Or, at least, not enough to warrant the discussion with the significant other. This evening I was invited to a friends house for drinks and 'fun', this male friend told me three weeks ago that he has a girl friend. And yet he was perfectly ok with inviting me over with the casual phrase "want to go out for drinks?", and didn't understand my distaste for getting together. He said it would just be fun, no sex, as if that makes it all better. Do males not see that that is betrayal as well? Since when is kissing someone else not cheating?
I am reading the book "He's Just Not That Into You", and I have been watching "Lie to Me" and therefore am trying to see all the little things that people do that prove their real intentions. So, a drunk guy kissing a drunk girl, and a guy inviting a girl over for 'fun' both strike me as proving that they're not into their girl friends and have no problems cheating and lying, at least, in the female definition.
We are bombarded with what is 'right' and 'normal' day and night by TV, movies and advertising. These media outlets show teens and young adults engaging in behaviour that would get you ostracized 20 years ago; these actions are being promoted now. Being a teen mom and not knowing who the dad is, that's ok. Living at home being coddled by mom until you're 25, that's ok. Not knowing basic grammar and spelling going into High School, that's what spell check is for. Sleeping with anyone you fancy, perfectly acceptable. Giving up on your marriage because of a disagreement, expected. Taking responsibility for your actions, who does that anymore? No wonder we don't care about sleeping around, it's what is good, and expected, and rewarded.
Cheating is engaging in physical or emotional relations with someone other than the person you claim to have a monogamous relationship with.
Recently, I have met some guys who think that kissing someone, who you may or may not have feelings for, is not cheating. Or, at least, not enough to warrant the discussion with the significant other. This evening I was invited to a friends house for drinks and 'fun', this male friend told me three weeks ago that he has a girl friend. And yet he was perfectly ok with inviting me over with the casual phrase "want to go out for drinks?", and didn't understand my distaste for getting together. He said it would just be fun, no sex, as if that makes it all better. Do males not see that that is betrayal as well? Since when is kissing someone else not cheating?
I am reading the book "He's Just Not That Into You", and I have been watching "Lie to Me" and therefore am trying to see all the little things that people do that prove their real intentions. So, a drunk guy kissing a drunk girl, and a guy inviting a girl over for 'fun' both strike me as proving that they're not into their girl friends and have no problems cheating and lying, at least, in the female definition.
We are bombarded with what is 'right' and 'normal' day and night by TV, movies and advertising. These media outlets show teens and young adults engaging in behaviour that would get you ostracized 20 years ago; these actions are being promoted now. Being a teen mom and not knowing who the dad is, that's ok. Living at home being coddled by mom until you're 25, that's ok. Not knowing basic grammar and spelling going into High School, that's what spell check is for. Sleeping with anyone you fancy, perfectly acceptable. Giving up on your marriage because of a disagreement, expected. Taking responsibility for your actions, who does that anymore? No wonder we don't care about sleeping around, it's what is good, and expected, and rewarded.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Changes
As you can see, the site has changed. New hosting, new theme (I couldn’t find my old one), new content. Ok, that last one is coming soon.
Calgary experiencing the wonderful phenomenon known as the chinook. It’s the middle of January and we’re expecting temperatures in the mid teens for the next few days. My neighbour just stopped by and mentioned that he saw people riding their motorbikes around today. If I was able to do that, I probably would.
Calgary experiencing the wonderful phenomenon known as the chinook. It’s the middle of January and we’re expecting temperatures in the mid teens for the next few days. My neighbour just stopped by and mentioned that he saw people riding their motorbikes around today. If I was able to do that, I probably would.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Shedding the Shell
Have you ever experienced this phenomenon that makes you act like totally different people depending on who you're with?
I recently met a friend who, when we talk, when we hung out, makes me want to hang out with them, but in a way that I'm not used to at all. I want to be loud, and have fun, and be outgoing. This is so completely different from what I normally am, being reserved and unremarkable. Somehow this person has mastered the art of bringing people out, something no one else has ever managed with me.
Tonight I was talking to another friend, and thinking about hanging out with them, and my imagined actions included just curling up and being dependent on them.
Most people I have met, if not all before this point, have made me want to be small and quiet, and yet, within hours of hanging out with this new person, I felt the need to step out of my shell and destroy it. It's a weird sensation for me, especially switching between the two modes. I'll just have to work on being the outgoing me more often.
I recently met a friend who, when we talk, when we hung out, makes me want to hang out with them, but in a way that I'm not used to at all. I want to be loud, and have fun, and be outgoing. This is so completely different from what I normally am, being reserved and unremarkable. Somehow this person has mastered the art of bringing people out, something no one else has ever managed with me.
Tonight I was talking to another friend, and thinking about hanging out with them, and my imagined actions included just curling up and being dependent on them.
Most people I have met, if not all before this point, have made me want to be small and quiet, and yet, within hours of hanging out with this new person, I felt the need to step out of my shell and destroy it. It's a weird sensation for me, especially switching between the two modes. I'll just have to work on being the outgoing me more often.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Vote Distribution
One of the websites that I'm on has picture voting. I submitted one of my pictures for voting, and only recently found that I can see the vote breakdown by age.
Now, I know a lot of guys over 20 on here have complained about 14 yr old girls viewing their profiles a lot. I seem to have the other problem, the older the guy the higher the average vote was. Not only did the older (41+) group have the most votes, but they voted a full point higher, on average, than the next highest range (33-40).
I guess I could freak out and be all ewwww, but maybe there's more to learn here. I realize the tiny sample size makes this anything but scientific, but hear me out.
With the media (yeah, I know, me, blaming the media) showing 'perfect' girls, maybe the younger guys have higher, unattainable standards (well, ok, we all knew that already) that they apparently actually bring into the semi-real world. Those 41 and over singlehandedly raised my average to 0.2 points above what the 33-40's had voted me. With only 23 votes in the 41+ range, and a total of 68 votes, that's quite a feat. But, enough about that... It's late, I have to sleep... if I can...
Now, I know a lot of guys over 20 on here have complained about 14 yr old girls viewing their profiles a lot. I seem to have the other problem, the older the guy the higher the average vote was. Not only did the older (41+) group have the most votes, but they voted a full point higher, on average, than the next highest range (33-40).
I guess I could freak out and be all ewwww, but maybe there's more to learn here. I realize the tiny sample size makes this anything but scientific, but hear me out.
With the media (yeah, I know, me, blaming the media) showing 'perfect' girls, maybe the younger guys have higher, unattainable standards (well, ok, we all knew that already) that they apparently actually bring into the semi-real world. Those 41 and over singlehandedly raised my average to 0.2 points above what the 33-40's had voted me. With only 23 votes in the 41+ range, and a total of 68 votes, that's quite a feat. But, enough about that... It's late, I have to sleep... if I can...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Santa's dead
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to population references). Assuming an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, this computes to 108 million homes - presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that, for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household. This amounts to a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. Therefore, Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to population references). Assuming an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, this computes to 108 million homes - presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that, for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household. This amounts to a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. Therefore, Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Changing Priorities
How often is it that one comes across a situation that completely changes the way one looks at the world, and priorities? Until this week, I had given up on my seemingly dream job, was happy in my current job and wanted to work towards the husband and babies life plan. Then I got a heads up about the potential opportunity to go back to my home town and partake in my dream job. I’m at the top of this list, personally mentioned by the guy in charge. Suddenly I find myself forgetting about buying a house in Calgary, forgetting about finding the man for me and being happy with a man who I’ll leave here when I potentially go back home and do my dream job.
I once heard a man say that you always have time for your passions, and that you should find your passion and figure out how to make a living doing that. His personal example was landscaping, he had started a landscaping business in high school, eventually moving on to other business ventures, and being busy busy with those. Then he gets a call from a buddy asking if he wants to help make a dirt biking track and suddenly his schedule is empty and he flies home to do extreme landscaping. I remember thinking then that I didn’t have such a passion, there’s nothing that I would drop everything to do. Nothing I believed in, cared about, that much. This week has reminded me that I do have such a passion, but it’s in such a narrow field, that it’s hard to get into, and I don’t have the sufficient education that would normally allow me to pursue it, nor do I have the desire to go around the long way and hope and pray to get into my desired department. Which, would only last a few years because they move people around very quickly.
So, with a simple cross-country text message, my priorities changed, my passion became slightly plausible. Well, in a year or so after they get a new office, and after they get funding, but it’s there. But, what do I do while I wait for the time to pass? I hate being in limbo, and that’s exactly where I am.
So, here I am, waiting for a potential job offer if they ever get funding for enough investigators to actually want an analyst...
I once heard a man say that you always have time for your passions, and that you should find your passion and figure out how to make a living doing that. His personal example was landscaping, he had started a landscaping business in high school, eventually moving on to other business ventures, and being busy busy with those. Then he gets a call from a buddy asking if he wants to help make a dirt biking track and suddenly his schedule is empty and he flies home to do extreme landscaping. I remember thinking then that I didn’t have such a passion, there’s nothing that I would drop everything to do. Nothing I believed in, cared about, that much. This week has reminded me that I do have such a passion, but it’s in such a narrow field, that it’s hard to get into, and I don’t have the sufficient education that would normally allow me to pursue it, nor do I have the desire to go around the long way and hope and pray to get into my desired department. Which, would only last a few years because they move people around very quickly.
So, with a simple cross-country text message, my priorities changed, my passion became slightly plausible. Well, in a year or so after they get a new office, and after they get funding, but it’s there. But, what do I do while I wait for the time to pass? I hate being in limbo, and that’s exactly where I am.
So, here I am, waiting for a potential job offer if they ever get funding for enough investigators to actually want an analyst...
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