Kitty

About two and a half years ago, I got a cat. Her name is Tenny, she was from a rescue organization. She loves exploring and finding that small spot to hide. Normal cat stuff. Because she lived the first 8 months of her life in a shelter, I think she learned that making noise doesn't do anything. No human is going to come running if you complain, so when she first came to my house, she was silent. She purred, eventually, once she trusted us, but nothing else.

It took her a few weeks to warm up to us, and realize that we were going to keep her. Eventually she came out of the crawl space, and she started wanting attention. Still silently, and because of a birth defect, she couldn't jump on the couch, so we had to try to catch her to give her the attention she wanted.

Then, one day the husband left a dresser drawer open, no big deal, right? Well, Tenny decided to climb into that soft bed of clothes. Due to a shift in weight, the drawer then closed. She must have been stuck in there for hours, and we had no idea. Eventually, we realized that we hadn't seen her in a while (luckily it was a weekend, so we were home) and started searching the house. We found her and figured out that we couldn't leave things open.

When we went on holidays the next summer, we left her with my Aunt who has a very vocal cat. And, low and behold, when we came back, our dear silent Tenny was replaced with one that yowls exactly like my Aunt's cat. How I miss my silent Tenny.

The good news is that after a couple of years, she has gotten much stronger and can now jump onto our laps while we are sitting, but can not quite make the distance to the table or counter height. This is perfect as I would hate to have to try to train her to not go on the table or counter. We just have to have the chairs pushed in all the time, or she does go on the table and eats my plants. Tenny also runs around the house as quickly as she can. Now, I live in a three level split, with about 440 sq feet on each level, so her space is quite limited, and the stairs are relatively short. I can not wait to get a bigger house to give her more room to run around it. I just hope that it does not give her the extra strength needed to jump to counter level.

Changes to Come

For a while now, I have been meaning to cut back on the crappy diet and really work towards a healthier lifestyle. Having heard horror stories similar to this one I have cut out some pop, and all diet pop. However, I really have to cut out all caffeine, all refined foods, and most importantly increase healthy veggies. I realize that this should have started a year ago, before I tried to get pregnant, but better late than never I guess.

I am looking for simple, healthy and great tasting meals for my family. Simple because, so far, I have not been a fan of cooking. That is one thing that I will most definitely have to convince myself that I love and is worth doing. Ok, I know that it is worth doing, I just have to actually do it.

One small thing I started this week, and hope to be able to continue, is to have a frozen lemon in my freezer. That way, I can add a small bump of fresh Vitamin C to any meal with just a few passes over the grater, and basically no cleanup. I tried it on my homemade banana bread and it is wonderful. Now to test it on the pizza in the fridge and other foods as they pass through the house.

New Hampshire

I just read an article here about how in New Hampshire they want to make it legal to refuse to  "provide services, accommodations, advantages, facilities, goods, or privileges to an individual if the request is related to the solemnization, celebration, or promotion of a marriage and providing such services, accommodations, advantages, facilities, goods, or privileges would be a violation of the person’s conscience or religious faith." This opens up many other issues. Since it's not just about same sex marriages, it's about all of them. Can I move there and open up a wedding facility that only caters to same sex, interracial and other contested marriages? I refuse to marry a white man to a white woman as it is my belief that they get enough privileges and don't need any more. According to the law, no actions could be taken against me, as it is my conscience that is guiding my decision.

What ever happened to the US being the home of the free? Is there a little number next to that line that goes to a footnote that says As long as you are a straight, white person who enjoys the same past times as I do? You can have freedom, as long as it does not disrupt my outdated image of a perfect society? A society that is long gone, and has evolved into something containing many different colours and ideas.

Two other states are tabling laws that give school children a free pass on bullying, if they are making hateful statements about gays or being gay. What message does that send? I realize that in many ways to be successful in the US you have to at least appear to be a Christian, and that homosexuality is bad according to Christians. But, I know that the bible says a whole lot of other things that we ignore now. So, why do we keep this idea around? If it is illegal to discriminate based on other things, why is it still ok to discriminate against homosexuality (it being a choice or not is irrelevant )? You're not allowed to discriminate against me because I'm a woman, or because I choose to have a family (not-choice and choice respectively).

Land of the Free, so give your people their freedom. All of your people. You don't get to decide who is a worthy citizen and who is not, that ended with the civil rights movement, and women getting the vote. We are all equal under the law, so how can you make it legal to discriminate against homosexuality?

Friends

I'm going through a big life event soon, and due to various circumstances, I'm only inviting blood relatives. A friend of mine for the past seven years had always assumed she would be involved with the event. Now, she's mad at me. It's my fault, I'm too happy, too excited. I want to tell people all about it. I guess saying "guess what, that awesome thing is happening, but you can't come" is bitchy. I have to stop telling people. I have to stop talking about it to people who are close to me but I'm excluding. That's what I'm doing, I'm excluding people who I have confided in for years. I guess this habit of telling myself that I have no friends is really just me pushing my friends away, and an old habit from back in the day when I really did have no friends.

Cancer Update

Back in October 2008 I posted about a friend who had recently found out he had brain cancer, at 24. I talked with him a bit then, we talked about getting together in Edmonton over Christmas because he would have been there for treatment and I was there to visit family. That never happened, I don't think we even talked again after that. So, today I was going through my friends list on Facebook, deleting the people I don't talk to anymore, and I decided to check up on him. It turns out that he passed away on March 7, 2010. He was supposed to have five years, he only got one and a half.

I'm so sorry that I never got the chance to see him again, to say goodbye.

Healthy Child, Healthy World

Healthy Child, Healthy World


Not that I'm planning on having children just yet, soon, but not next week, but the idea holds true for everyone. I want to live a long healthy life, and that includes trying to minimize the crap that goes into my body. As a society, we have become very complacent and trusting of major corporations (which I don't understand, but I'll save details for another day). Granted, there is a whole lot of science that we can't really understand without a PhD is chemical engineering, so it's hard to judge what is ok and what is not. My general rule is that if I can't pronounce it and/or understand what it is made of or how it is made, it's probably not good for me, and should not be in my food or clothing.
But, we run out of time, we have work, hobbies, social media, pets, and the green lawn with the white picket fence to take care of. We forget to take care of ourselves and have real relationships with those around us. I've lived in my house for almost a year and a half, I have said hi to my neighbours, but I don't know their names, what they do for fun or anything like that.
It's time to get back to basics, trust your neighbours, grow some of your own food, and stop buying pre-made everything (ok, so I'm not perfect, last night I bought ready to bake pumpkin pie filling).
I pledge to reclaim my house from chemicals before I start my family.

30 Day Shred - Day 1

Jillian thoroughly kicked my ass. Taking a shower after was hard, as my biceps hurt. Not quite as bad as when I first went to the gym, but I work out more now than I did when I first started at the gym. Few of the excersizes hurt while I was doing them, however now that I'm done and  showered I can feel the pain starting to creep into my muscles. There's also a very good chance that I have not been that sweaty in a long time. This could be because I did the workout right after work while the house was hot. I've got to get into the habit of getting up early and doing it first thing in the morning. Then it's cooler in the house, and I'll mostly have time for it.

In other news, I'm going to Fabricland right away to get a pattern for.. something. I found this great website: Modcloth which has all kinds of retro and indie dresses. I'd like to eventually start making those kinds of dresses. But, we'll see how this first stuff goes and reevaluate later. I'm sure my grandmother would be so proud of me if I did. She is a wonderful seamstress, and my mother as wel. Sometimes you just have to follow the family tradition, even if it is initially hoisted upon you by force.

Also, nasty breakups are not fun. A tip to the break-up-ee: Never ask for a commitment from the person who just broke up with you. Also, if they ask for something small, like time and distance, give it to them. It's the only way they won't hate.

I retract my previous statement

I had stated on Dec 15, 2007 that I was done with the era of my life that includes school. This is no longer true. On September 9, 2009, or so, I will be back in school. The idea is to complete my degree through the University of Lethbridge, Calgary Campus.  The unfortunate part of it is that it will take from 3 to 5 years to complete the program. I was enjoying my freedom, but in order to get my CHRP (the Canadian Human Resources professional designation) I will need a degree.  And, it would be nice to actually have a graduation which my family can be proud of (my high school graduation was expected, and my college one ignored).

The other aspect is that I'm thinking of a slight change of career direction (potentially permanent, maybe not). This would make my schooling much less relevant, though it is always good to have a degree. Today a co-worker, who is hiring an assistant, talked to me (after I gave her a friends resume) and said that I should apply for said position. Now comes the inevitable internal debate as to if it is better to take the risk and jump, or to remain in a good job. If I fail at the potential job I would be terminated, and in this economy, that's not a fun proposition.

What's Cheating?

So, what is it?

Cheating is engaging in physical or emotional relations with someone other than the person you claim to have a monogamous relationship with.

Recently, I have met some guys who think that kissing someone, who you may or may not have feelings for, is not cheating. Or, at least, not enough to warrant the discussion with the significant other. This evening I was invited to a friends house for drinks and 'fun', this male friend told me three weeks ago that he has a girl friend. And yet he was perfectly ok with inviting me over with the casual phrase "want to go out for drinks?", and didn't understand my distaste for getting together. He said it would just be fun, no sex, as if that makes it all better. Do males not see that that is betrayal as well? Since when is kissing someone else not cheating?

I am reading the book "He's Just Not That Into You", and I have been watching "Lie to Me" and therefore am trying to see all the little things that people do that prove their real intentions. So, a drunk guy kissing a drunk girl, and a guy inviting a girl over for 'fun' both strike me as proving that they're not into their girl friends and have no problems cheating and lying, at least, in the female definition.

We are bombarded with what is 'right' and 'normal' day and night by TV, movies and advertising. These media outlets show teens and young adults engaging in behaviour that would get you ostracized 20 years ago; these actions are being promoted now. Being a teen mom and not knowing who the dad is, that's ok. Living at home being coddled by mom until you're 25, that's ok. Not knowing basic grammar and spelling going into High School, that's what spell check is for. Sleeping with anyone you fancy, perfectly acceptable. Giving up on your marriage because of a disagreement, expected. Taking responsibility for your actions, who does that anymore? No wonder we don't care about sleeping around, it's what is good, and expected, and rewarded.

Changes

As you can see, the site has changed. New hosting, new theme (I couldn’t find my old one),  new content. Ok, that last one is coming soon.

Calgary experiencing the wonderful phenomenon known as the chinook. It’s the middle of January and we’re expecting temperatures in the mid teens for the next few days. My neighbour just stopped by and mentioned that he saw people riding their motorbikes around today. If I was able to do that, I probably would.

Changing Priorities

How often is it that one comes across a situation that completely changes the way one looks at the world, and priorities? Until this week, I had given up on my seemingly dream job, was happy in my current job and wanted to work towards the husband and babies life plan. Then I got a heads up about the potential opportunity to go back to my home town and partake in my dream job. I’m at the top of this list, personally mentioned by the guy in charge. Suddenly I find myself forgetting about buying a house in Calgary, forgetting about finding the man for me and being happy with a man who I’ll leave here when I potentially go back home and do my dream job.
I once heard a man say that you always have time for your passions, and that you should find your passion and figure out how to make a living doing that. His personal example was landscaping, he had started a landscaping business in high school, eventually moving on to other business ventures, and being busy busy with those. Then he gets a call from a buddy asking if he wants to help make a dirt biking track and suddenly his schedule is empty and he flies home to do extreme landscaping. I remember thinking then that I didn’t have such a passion, there’s nothing that I would drop everything to do. Nothing I believed in, cared about, that much. This week has reminded me that I do have such a passion, but it’s in such a narrow field, that it’s hard to get into, and I don’t have the sufficient education that would normally allow me to pursue it, nor do I have the desire to go around the long way and hope and pray to get into my desired department. Which, would only last a few years because they move people around very quickly.
So, with a simple cross-country text message, my priorities changed, my passion became slightly plausible. Well, in a year or so after they get a new office, and after they get funding, but it’s there. But, what do I do while I wait for the time to pass? I hate being in limbo, and that’s exactly where I am.
So, here I am, waiting for a potential job offer if they ever get funding for enough investigators to actually want an analyst...

Private: Changing Priorities

How often is it that one comes across a situation that completely changes the way one looks at the world, and priorities? Until this week, I had given up on my seemingly dream job, was happy in my current job and wanted to work towards the husband and babies life plan. Then I got a heads up about the potential opportunity to go back to my home town and partake in my dream job. I'm at the top of this list, personally mentioned by the guy in charge. Suddenly I find myself forgetting about buying a house in Calgary, forgetting about finding the man for me and being happy with a man who I'll leave here when I potentially go back home and do my dream job.
I once heard a man say that you always have time for your passions, and that you should find your passion and figure out how to make a living doing that. His personal example was landscaping, he had started a landscaping business in high school, eventually moving on to other business ventures, and being busy busy with those. Then he gets a call from a buddy asking if he wants to help make a dirt biking track and suddenly his schedule is empty and he flies home to do extreme landscaping. I remember thinking then that I didn't have such a passion, there's nothing that I would drop everything to do. Nothing I believed in, cared about, that much. This week has reminded me that I do have such a passion, but it's in such a narrow field, that it's hard to get into, and I don't have the sufficient education that would normally allow me to pursue it, nor do I have the desire to go around the long way and hope and pray to get into my desired department. Which, would only last a few years because they move people around very quickly.
So, with a simple cross-country text message, my priorities changed, my passion became slightly plausible. Well, in a year or so after they get a new office, and after they get funding, but it's there. But, what do I do while I wait for the time to pass? I hate being in limbo, and that's exactly where I am.
So, here I am, in a quasi-relationship that may or may not go further than the bedroom and a potential job offer if they ever get funding for enough investigators to actually want an analyst. Who knew that I would actually miss my time in Edmonton with no life.

... I did... and yet, here I am.

Cancer

A good friend from years ago told me tonight that he has terminal brain cancer. He says he's going to fight till the end, but it will still be 4 to 5 years. He's 24, less than a year older than me, and he knows that he'll probably never turn 30, or have kids, or at least not watch them grow up, or any of that stuff. And yet, he's making posts on Facebook about it.
I admire his strength... I just wish it wasn't true. It's been two and a half years since I talked to him, and now I have no idea what to say.

The Gym

Many years ago an ex-boyfriend of mine decided that the only way we could be together was if I embraced his passion for working out. Granted, at the time I didn't have many hobbies, so I spent a lot of time at school, working or hanging out with a couple friends. But anyway, he often took me to the gym with him where he became my personal trainer. I learned technique for free weights, but never really pushed that hard because, well, I just didn't care that much.
Last week I joined a Woman's Gym, and have gone 4 times since. I've also been eating a little bit better in the evenings because the Gym is upstairs in a Superstore, so I'll have slightly higher gas bills, lower grocery bills and a gym bill. I think it will all even out because of how much I'll save shopping at Superstore instead of Safeway. It's also really hard to buy shitty food when you've JUST left the gym.
Today I did a class called Body Pump, you take weights, and lift them, to music. It's the first time I've ever really pushed myself when it comes to weights, and washing my hair was so difficult afterwards, even after a previous hot shower and 20 minutes in their dry sauna. I've also taken to running on the eliptical, today I did 2kms, and i plan to increase the distance until I get to 35 minutes of running, and then change to 35 minutes of running, and try increase the distance every time. There's a spot on the machine where you can put a USB Key and it will track your progress. So, I have a small key which I will keep with my gym stuff and track my time/distance.
Anyway, the point of this post was supposed to be that after class one of the ladies came up to me and commented on my form. At the start of class they asked if anyone was new, so I raised my hand as I had never been to that class before. The lady was apparently impressed at my form (there was another lady who didn't say she was new who appeared to not be able to do it properly to save her life).
So, I would like to thank Roch for teaching me good form, it is finally paying off, and I'm going to the gym three to four times a week and doing a variety of workouts, not just strength training. I will get lean and toned and I will stay that way.
I would also like to thank my cousin Petra whose own weight loss and stories of running 10kms three times a week inspired me to start to look into the gym.
And, the girls in the AP forum on Nexopia who started a discussion on various gyms and inspired me to actually go and look at the gym.
And, of course, my boy David who hasn't complained once (yet) about me taking my Saturday and Sunday mornings away from him so I can go to the gym instead. He has also been really good at letting me do with for me and being supportive and not pushy.

Weight of the World

There's these events in ones lives that feel like they contain the weight of the world. These can be big or little, seemingly important or irrelevant, but, for the person involved, they carry weight. I just went through one of these events.
If you know me, you know I hated my job, simple as that. I complained about it. A lot. I apologize to anyone who hated my complaining. So, be happy. Today was my last day at that job, YAY. To celebrate we're making a fire and having alcohol. It will be grand. I even bought Off so we don't get eaten alive.
The other weight on my shoulders was that of choosing a new job. I got two offers, both of which seemed quite interesting and it took me a week of deliberation and discussion to figure out which one will be better for me in the long run. Many qualities were similar and yet different, and both could lead to great things, in different ways. I am confident that I chose the right one. Now I get a week off, so, let the events begin. First, fire, then bar, then another bar, then passport office, then... well, I don't know. I guess there's a hostel in Banff that I could visit, or my friend in Saskatchewan who I have not seen in almost a year. Of course, there's also the house to clean and organize now that I've decided to stay here for a while still. And, professional clothes to buy. I'll be working downtown, so I have to look the part.

Dilema

Since I moved to Calgary I have been casually applying to Human Resource Positions. In the past few months I made the decision to not continue with my current job and to seek a new one. Somehow I managed to get three interviews in a week when I had not had a single call (good) about my resume in the previous three months. Calls from Primerica do not count, they call everyone.
I had three interviews, Saturday, Monday and today, Thursday.
Saturday offered me a job on the spot, with job shadowing on Wednesday. On Thursday they called and offered me the position on a trial basis, with a permanent contract soon to follow.
Monday sent a set of tests to complete and reminded me on Thursday that I should do them. To me, this shows a lot of interest.
Thursday told me that they were only going to call the front runner for references, and shortly after 4pm, called me for references.

Which do I want?
Monday is out because it's lower level duties and lower level pay. Done.
Saturday is interesting, and has definite growth potential, should be pretty good pay and deals with helping people and is interesting, but has shitty unstable hours.
Thursday is exactly what I've wanted to do since I took the class that pertains to it and should have pretty good pay, but could be boring and repetitive in the long run.

Body Type

Each type of person in my life tends to have a similar body type. My aunts are all short and a few extra pounds (good to know what I have to look forward to), my cousins are taller than the rest of the ladies in my family and mostly skinny, and my boyfriends tend to be large, solid guys. They're short or tall, but always solid. This makes me feel safe and protected. So, what happens when you meet someone by asking a seemingly harmless question, "What kind of motorbike do you ride?", without screening based on body type and other stated attributes? I had no intentions when I started this conversation, just saw a guy sitting on a bike that I couldn't place and wondered which bike it was.
Turns out that we have a lot in common and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. He took me on my first motorcycle ride out of the city, we went to Bragg Creek and down Highway 66. It's absolutely gorgeous, and full of turns. It just feels weird giving him a hug because it's so out of the norm. Of course, it's not a big deal, it's not really worth mentioning, but, here I am, writing a post about it.
Have you ever put someone in a category, but then have them not fit the mold? Does it not throw you off? It's not going to change anything, but it will take some getting used to. On the plus side, he's much stronger than he looks.

What to do?

Alright, so, it has been FOREVER since I've written regularly, I know, I know.
Things change, like, the formating of this blog... It changed and I don't know how to get it back. Alright, so that's a minor thing, even though I do miss it.
Change 1 - I moved out. Ok, so I moved to Calgary in January with a friend, things were going ok, but there was something wrong. I just wasn't happy in that place. So, I moved. It has been stressful and all that jazz, but it was for the better.
Change 2 - I gave up on waiting for my job to come through and started applying for new ones. Yes, there is a very good chance that I will get my current job as a permanent person, but then, one has to wonder, do I really want that job? The answer is... well, not really. Those who talk to me know, I complain about it all the time. I'm bored all the time, and it's really not challenging at all. I already streamlined it as much as they would let me.
Change 3 - I'm single. Yeah, I've been on and off again single for a while now, but now I'm putting in the effort, getting out there, meeting guys, going on dates, will be going for rides on the new bike with new people (once I finally get my bike fixed)

Part of Change 3, I'm never buying a used vehicle again. They cause too much trouble. New for me. I know people sell for a reason, usually because they know that the thing is going to explode in 200kms, and now I'm going to take that to heart and stop buying used stuff. Sure, every so often there's a good deal out there, but if it's too good, it's probably bad. I have heard about the purchase of 6 used vehicles in the last 6 months, one of them has not caused problems. Lesson learned, no used vehicles. Don't get me wrong, I love my Ducati, I could just do without the hole in the engine, and the shitty transmission.

Also, I have a new Blog on my Blogroll, Missed Manners, I've been reading it while at work, and it's really quite interesting. He has been writing fairly consistently for 4 years now. Someday I would like my blog to be like his or V's... just gotta work on the consistency and interesting topics bits of writing.

Catalyst

I've posted things and said they were catalytic before, and one of my friends disagreed with me on the definition of a catalyst. Therefore, in this post, a catalyst is an event that triggers other events.
Today's catalyst is being removed, by accident, as a pic mod. I have been doing less and less with the site for a year and a half, since I stopped being employed by the site. Every so often I would moderate some pictures and participate in a discussion. If I'm going to cut more ties, it might as well be now that something happened. I have asked to keep forum rank, because they're fun and I do most of them anyway.
Things change for a reason, whether it be moving out, moving away or finding a new hobby. These three things have impacted me greatly in the past little while, and so far the changes have been good. Hopefully the good changes will continue. If I don't get the job I interviewed for today, more, bigger changes are in store for me. I'll let you know.

Private: Heart Break

Has it ever happened to you that in a single action by another you can quite literally feel your heart break? Like a tear deep in your chest, it slowly rips from top to bottom.

The action can be simple, a smile at someone else, flinching away from a touch, turning over to face the other way in bed. It is rarely the first action in a series of events, but can easily be the last. The action is often so small, so seemingly inconsequential that the person who did it won't even remember.

What do you do when this is a common occurence, but due to other circumstances you can not, and don't want to, leave? How do you survive the torture of your heart breaking every month? every week? every day? What if you don't want to be set free, but just for the heart break to stop?

How do you tell someone that you want them to stay, and you wish they would stop causing your heart to break? How do you find the courage to say something when in the past they have always told you that your feelings are wrong?

How do you admit to yourself that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?